when the beatles (ever heard of em?) wrote strawberry fields forever, what exactly did it mean? strawberries dont last forever. in my experience, they rot after three or four days in the fridge, which always upsets me. actually, i have a bunch of strawberries sitting on my fridge rn. i think i should do something about that. well, i should do something about lots of things.
its been 10 months since i last posted here and these 10 months feel like years ago and yesterday at the same time. strawberry fields don't last forever. the plants die. someone salts the earth. the weather gets bad. which also can happen with people, with ideas. sometimes things end. the song tells us that these magical strawberry fields are forever, you can go there, they will be there. no worries. they will always be there. which is a double edged sword. the idea of something never dying but at the same time being there for me, is frightening, comforting, but frightening. i wish life was easy.
what are the beatles anymore, anyway? the people behind it are slowly passing away, but we keep buying beatles merchandise. we still stream their songs. day upon day people discuss their music online. even when all people ever involved in beatles projects die, are burried and we forget their names, the beatles will still exist. just like these strawberries fields. they are forever. well, it might come a time where we dont have the beatles anymore, as an idea and concept. sometime the universe as we know it wont be here anymore. that's a thought i cant truly grasp. i dont understand lots of things, really, i wouldnt call myself a very smart person in that aspect. but i try to understand.
the person that sat down in this same chair 10 months ago and wrote these posts here, doesnt really exists anymore. i have changed. i have had a tooth pulled, others restored, i have little stones in my womb, my eye also needed to be operated on. neither body or spirit are the same. i cant be forever, even if i try really hard. i think theres beauty on that. i need to appreciate what we have now.
in these past 10 months, i have learned a lot. i have gotten better and i have gotten worse. i stopped talking to people i couldnt bear to see myself distanced from, and now they seem like a distant, a very distant strange weird dream. i dont even like my birth anymore as much. i have started to go by another one, one that does feel more comfortable. im experimenting with being another person. unlike the strawberries fields, i cant be forever.
john lennon died. some months ago, a young brazilian singer of my current age (24) passed away on a plane accident. one of the authorities involved in rescuing the victims of the accident was a man named jonlenon. her death scared me. i hope she and all of the victims are safe in the afterlife, if thats such a thing. people will still remember them and im glad for that. wish they could be still here with us.
i spend a lot of these past few days thinking, thinking a lot, but i never really reach a conclusion. it seems im forever locked into unrolling a very long yarn roll, itching and scratching for when i reach its ending, but then again, i will find something new to think about.